I know you love me, but I’m convinced you have an attachment disorder that only someone with a professional license can help you overcome. I try over and over to help you understand that my marriage is between my husband and me. I’m sorry, but it just doesn’t include you.
As a parent, I get it. You want the best for your kid. Your intentions are right, but it’s my job to make my marriage happy and trouble free.
We value your opinions, experience and wisdom, but we can make our own decisions. We don’t care how many times you tell dad, “They are too young to be married, have their own children, and make their own decisions. I know I should let them, but I am so much better at it than them.” And yes, dad tells us everything you say because he tries to explain that it’s all because you love me.
But I’m putting my foot down. This can’t go on anymore. It’s causing stress in our marriage.
My husband gets really ticked by all of the advice you give, which puts me in a hard place. It’s not like I can just tell you off. I mean, you’re my parents. I try to explain it to my husband, but he doesn’t understand this.
So, we have quietly listened to your advice, tips, and prying questions while building up resentment towards you and our marriage.
Now, I’m establishing limits and boundaries.
Give us privacy and independence. We can’t stand being asked constantly when we will have our next kid or the health of our marriage. My husband and I don’t want to talk about such topics publicly and crudely.
We get extremely embarrassed, especially when you feel the need to ask in front of your friends and our extended family. This is our life and we want to keep it private. We will tell you when we are going to have our next child. We will let you know when you need to know.
I know you are afraid that you will lose my love, but you don’t have to worry. My love for my husband is a different love. If I decide to create my own Christmas tradition, it doesn’t mean I love you less. I have to find a balance between spending my time with you and the man I married. We are our own family now. We will create our own traditions.
You have to stop making us feel guilty for not coming over on Christmas. We reserve all of Thanksgiving week for you. Guilt isn’t a powerful motivator. It pushes me further away from you. I feel like if you can’t be thankful for the time I do spend with you, then I shouldn’t spend any time with you.
I’m thankful for everything you have done for me. I love spending time with you. But when I do I feel awful.
Which brings me to my next point. You’re welcome to visit our home, but there is a limit to our hospitality. I know that we live 600 miles away and if “we only lived closer” then you wouldn’t need to stay as long.
We love seeing you and having an extra hand help us take care of our son. But staying with us too long starts to invade in our privacy. We feel like we don’t have a moment alone. You start to get in the way. It’s a minor inconvenience for about a week. But by the second week, having to rearrange our schedule for you becomes a major frustration.
My husband and I know how to run our house, how we want to parent, and how we will cultivate our marriage. We like our fridge stocked with fresh green food, not stocked with processed freezer food. We know what neighborhood to live in — after all we’re the ones who live here. I know how I want to build my career. And I know the type of children that I want to raise.
Please refrain from commenting the next time you want to tell me how to properly burp a baby, hold my son, or get him to fall asleep. I know you raised four kids while dad was working night shifts, but I can do this. I know how to boil an egg. I know what temperature to turn the oven to.
I know when you comment on my marriage that you are just trying to help. But you can’t. So you witnessed one fight? This doesn’t give you a good idea of what’s going on. I don’t need your advice on how to handle my marital interactions.
Your opinion is biased. Your information is limited. How can you give me the right advice? I know you think that it’s all my husbands fault, but it’s not. We are always both at fault. Please stop giving me the advice that he needs to apologize first. That he needs to learn a lesson. That I need to expect more from him. And that if he doesn’t shape up, then I should leave him.
If you really want to help my marriage, then get out of the way. You’re causing problems in my marriage. You’re making it more troublesome.
Let us make our own decisions. And mistakes. Let us live by our rules. Let us establish our own traditions without the burden of guilt. Let us pull the strings of our lives. Give us privacy and independence. Most importantly, start treating my husband like your child. You shouldn’t have a prejudice. You need to know your limits.
You will experience more love and happiness when you step back from our marriage.